One of the often missed opportunities for a bit o fun at your supper is when you do not have a Toastmaster. You have all your friends gathered for the evening, slightly liberated due to your excellent hospitality and not to take advantage of their shortcomings in year gone past is an absolute sin.

 Prior to your supper you must ask around your circle of friends to glean information on any calamities that have visited upon any of your guests in the previous year. Your toastmaster could do the same and after comparing notes a range of “Toasts” could be prepared.

 What sort of thing are you looking for?

 WARNING!!! (Depending on how much ale you have provided for your guests your toastmaster would have to gauge the level of acceptable situations where “The Toast” would provide a bit o fun without offending.) Let’s see…hmmm.

 If one or more of your guests have had a mishap with their car during the year the toast could go something like this…

 (Your toastmaster stands and rattles the dinner table with his spoon to get attention and continues with great gusto….)

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your Chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company who have crashed their car this last year and the toast is…. crashed cars”

 At this juncture the Chairman and all those who have crashed their car during the year rise and toast “Crashed cars.”

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your Chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company who have returned home late one evening rather the worse for wear and found themselves locked out of the family home and the toast is …locked out”

 All those who have been locked out should stand and take wine with the Chairman.

 I’m sure that you are now getting the idea and depending on your company the toasts could get a little more risqué as the evening wears on.

 Your Toastmasters final toast should always be:

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company with whom he has not yet taken wine and the toast is …Maybe next year”

 This toast ensures that all your guests get a chance to “take wine” with the chairman.

 A final word of warning! Don’t let your Toastmaster get carried away with the number of toasts during your supper. Too many toasts could mean some of your guests might have to be carried away.

 Yours aye

 Tam O Shanter

 PS Click on Burns Supper Kit in the Links section to get some more info on Hosting your own Burns Supper at home.

In my continuing blog on hosting a Burns Supper I will now review the “Address to the Haggis.”

 Your Haggis has been piped to the table. The Piper and Chef have had their dram and it is now time for the traditional “Address to the Haggis.” You should have a knife and cloth at the table for your speaker to “dicht his knife” during the address

 Your honoured guest should hopefully have spent most of his sober time since Hogmanay learning the lines to this most famous poem. Now is his opportunity to avail your company of his wit and charm as he gives the address.

 Please advise your speaker to take his time; I have seen many “Burns Supper Addresses” ruined by a speaker who appears too desperate to get to his next dram.

 There are many interactions between the words and gestures when giving the address. The idea is for your company to be entertained whilst maintaining the dignity of the great Haggis. It is not my intention to provide a template for the address but would ask you to get your speaker to visit youtube.com and type in “address to the haggis” in the search button to get some ideas from past masters of this famous address.

 Yours aye,

 Tam O Shanter