An aye the ale wis growin better:

This is the part of your evening when the guests get stuck in. There are many poems and songs of Burns to be performed and, if your toastmaster has done his job, all will be willing to join in.

 Your best singers should be selected for a heartfelt rendition of Ae Fond Kiss. Your best male vocalist could perhaps perform A Red Red Rose. You could enlist your male guests to sing a rousing For a’ That. If you have a shepherdess in your company, and these days who hasn’t, then a blast of Ca’ the Yowes would go down a treat.

 A recital of Holy Willie’s Prayer could be thrown in for good measure with your speaker suitably attired in a night shirt whilst carrying a candle. Preferably not lit.

 On to the community singing where a rousing renditions of Green Grow the Rashes O could be followed by Banks O Doon.

 An Eight some Reel, a Dashing White Sergeant and an old fashioned waltz could bring your evening to a timely close.

 The possibilities are numerous but your evening should always close with Auld Lang Syne.

 After a three cheers for the hosts you can pour your guests into their “carriages” and wave them goodbye after a glorious evening’s entertainment.

 Roll on next year.

 Yours aye

 Tam O Shanter

When hosting your own Burns Supper the best bit is that you are in charge. You can advise your guest speakers on exactly what sort of speech you would like them to give. 

 The Immortal Memory, your most important speech of the evening, can be based on many aspects of Burns life and work.

For a small informal gathering I would suggest that you get your speaker to consider a 25%/75% split. The 25% being a somewhat serious resume of Burns working life, farmer, excise man and poet, complete with a few quotations. The 75% being a light hearted look at Burns as a man who enjoyed a wee dram, and the company of the ladies. Robert Burns was a remarkable Scot and has given your speakers plenty of scope for their talents

The Toast to the Lasses should be given by the joker amongst your guests.  This speech should poke fun at the gentler sex and all the baggage that goes with them. Wives, girl friends, work mates, mothers in law, daughters should all provide some good material for this speech. The speaker should always remember that, if in mixed company, his speech should always socially acceptable.

I still remember when a local, well known radio personality turned up at a supper to give the Toast to the Lasses. You can imagine his surprise to find that it was not a stag dinner but one attended by the local dignitaries and their wives and girl friends. What could he do? His speech was written and no time to prepare another. He gave his speech, chapter and verse. The silence after the delivery was deafening and he was asked to be removed from the premises by the wife of the Chairman. You have been warned.

The reply to the “Toast to the Lasses” can best be described as payback. This is when the gentler sex have “open season” on their male counterparts. Everything goes with nothing held back. I’ve not been to supper yet where a man has been offended. Work, strong drink, driving, football, and golf the list is endless. A short visit to google and a joke section should provide your guest speaker with ample material.

Always remember that Burns enjoyed an evening of “Sangs and clatter”, let your supper be the same.

Yours aye

Tam O Shanter

 Prior to your supper you must ask around your circle of friends to glean information on any calamities that have visited upon any of your guests in the previous year. Your toastmaster could do the same and after comparing notes a range of “Toasts” could be prepared.

 What sort of thing are you looking for?

 WARNING!!! (Depending on how much ale you have provided for your guests your toastmaster would have to gauge the level of acceptable situations where “The Toast” would provide a bit o fun without offending.) Let’s see…hmmm.

 If one or more of your guests have had a mishap with their car during the year the toast could go something like this…

 (Your toastmaster stands and rattles the dinner table with his spoon to get attention and continues with great gusto….)

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your Chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company who have crashed their car this last year and the toast is…. crashed cars”

 At this juncture the Chairman and all those who have crashed their car during the year rise and toast “Crashed cars.”

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your Chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company who have returned home late one evening rather the worse for wear and found themselves locked out of the family home and the toast is …locked out”

 All those who have been locked out should stand and take wine with the Chairman.

 I’m sure that you are now getting the idea and depending on your company the toasts could get a little more risqué as the evening wears on.

 Your Toastmasters final toast should always be:

 “Ladies and gentlemen…your chairman would like to take wine with all those in our company with whom he has not yet taken wine and the toast is …Maybe next year”

 This toast ensures that all your guests get a chance to “take wine” with the chairman.

 A final word of warning! Don’t let your Toastmaster get carried away with the number of toasts during your supper. Too many toasts could mean some of your guests might have to be carried away.

 Yours aye

 Tam O Shanter

 PS Click on Burns Supper Kit in the Links section to get some more info on Hosting your own Burns Supper at home.

 Your Haggis has been piped to the table. The Piper and Chef have had their dram and it is now time for the traditional “Address to the Haggis.” You should have a knife and cloth at the table for your speaker to “dicht his knife” during the address

 Your honoured guest should hopefully have spent most of his sober time since Hogmanay learning the lines to this most famous poem. Now is his opportunity to avail your company of his wit and charm as he gives the address.

 Please advise your speaker to take his time; I have seen many “Burns Supper Addresses” ruined by a speaker who appears too desperate to get to his next dram.

 There are many interactions between the words and gestures when giving the address. The idea is for your company to be entertained whilst maintaining the dignity of the great Haggis. It is not my intention to provide a template for the address but would ask you to get your speaker to visit youtube.com and type in “address to the haggis” in the search button to get some ideas from past masters of this famous address.

 Yours aye,

 Tam O Shanter

The procession should come from the kitchen and visit as many of the rooms in the house as possible before finally arriving at the dining table ready for the address. If you do not have a piper, all is not lost. Improvise. Get a bagpipe tune, Scotland the Brave for example, for your CD player and play it at loudly as your guests clap in time to the music as the haggis is paraded round the house. There is a good chance that you will not have a set of bagpipes at hand for your supper. A tip for you.

One of the funniest “set of bagpipes” that I have seen was one evening at the last orders bell in the Ring O Bells pub in Perth. One of my colleagues Simon, from across the border had been taking a bit of stick about being the only Sassenach in the bar. Just as we were leaving the bar Simon picked up a chair, placed the seat of the chair over his shoulder with the legs sticking into the air and using the back of the chair as his chanter he did a Da Da dadada dada in time to Scotland the Brave, up and down the bar. It was hilarious. Use Simon’s pipes at your Supper and give your guests a good laugh.

Click on Burns Supper Kit in the Links section to get a readymade music CD for your supper.

Yours aye,

Tam O Shanter

 The Burns influence appears to be alive and well with Suppers being held in Russia, Australia, Japan and Argentina to name but a few. It confirms that old Scottish saying that no matter where you travel in the world you will always find a Scotsman. It appears that more than one of these far flung Scots has a liking for Burns. I had the pleasure of attending a local school supper this year where the whole event was being screened via an internet link to a school in America. Alford to Alaska…can you believe it?

The traditional Burns Supper is a very formal affair and to be invited to one of the “old school” suppers is an honour indeed. You have to arrive early to get a good seat and your behaviour must be beyond reproach, not too much of the Famous Grouse, if an invite to the following years event is to be extended. This would certainly have been the case for those attending the Homecoming Burns Supper held in the Brig O’Doon Hotel in Alloway which was attended by First Minister Alex Salmond. Visit the Homecoming site to see some video clips of the event.

The home hosted Burns Supper is where the real fun is and the ones I like best. No formality here. Granda has been too long in the kitchen wi’ the Macallan and pipes the haggis roon the house then halfway doon the street. Uncle Jack loses the plot in his toast to the haggis and cuts himself whilst dichtin’ his knife. Wee Johnny steals the piper’s dram. Auld Mac gets fou on the sherry trifle and Auntie Elsie hits all the wrong notes in her operatic rendition of Ae Fond Kiss and heads for the toilet in a flood of tears. As the malt goes round the night drives on wi’ sangs an’ clatter.

The highlight for me, without doubt, is a well worked Tam O’ Shanter. This epic poem properly performed can turn a noisy rabble into a church congregation where all are caught in the spell of the tale. It unfortunately can also end in disaster when the “chosen one” has had too much ale to calm his nerves and falls over his chair just as he reaches Auld Alloway Kirk.

All good things must come to an end and after much singing and dancing the strains of Auld Lang Syne bring another year’s event to a close. It’s a pity that it is a year before we can have another Supper.

Follow my blog as I give you more insight into the home hosted Burns Supper.

Yours aye

Tam O’ Shanter