I recall a Burns Supper when I had to give the vote of thanks at the closing of the main event. The table on my right had had a great evening and most were in the “worse for wear” category. I opened my remarks by asking if “The Immortal Memory” was a bit of a misnomer as the table on my right are all “mortal” tonight and their memory of the evening’s events will be very poor tomorrow.

When hosting your own Burns Supper the best bit is that you are in charge. You can advise your guest speakers on exactly what sort of speech you would like them to give. 

 The Immortal Memory, your most important speech of the evening, can be based on many aspects of Burns life and work.

For a small informal gathering I would suggest that you get your speaker to consider a 25%/75% split. The 25% being a somewhat serious resume of Burns working life, farmer, excise man and poet, complete with a few quotations. The 75% being a light hearted look at Burns as a man who enjoyed a wee dram, and the company of the ladies. Robert Burns was a remarkable Scot and has given your speakers plenty of scope for their talents

The Toast to the Lasses should be given by the joker amongst your guests.  This speech should poke fun at the gentler sex and all the baggage that goes with them. Wives, girl friends, work mates, mothers in law, daughters should all provide some good material for this speech. The speaker should always remember that, if in mixed company, his speech should always socially acceptable.

I still remember when a local, well known radio personality turned up at a supper to give the Toast to the Lasses. You can imagine his surprise to find that it was not a stag dinner but one attended by the local dignitaries and their wives and girl friends. What could he do? His speech was written and no time to prepare another. He gave his speech, chapter and verse. The silence after the delivery was deafening and he was asked to be removed from the premises by the wife of the Chairman. You have been warned.

The reply to the “Toast to the Lasses” can best be described as payback. This is when the gentler sex have “open season” on their male counterparts. Everything goes with nothing held back. I’ve not been to supper yet where a man has been offended. Work, strong drink, driving, football, and golf the list is endless. A short visit to google and a joke section should provide your guest speaker with ample material.

Always remember that Burns enjoyed an evening of “Sangs and clatter”, let your supper be the same.

Yours aye

Tam O Shanter